things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
