he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
