I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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