your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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