hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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