I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Come share oat with me in your robe
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
