my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I didn't notice because vodka
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
