I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
