every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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