ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
