Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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