I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize