i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
