just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
