I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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