My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
