woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I wear drunk well.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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