I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Small penises have feelings too.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
