I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
