Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
