He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
