When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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