My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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