The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize