I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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