Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
