he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
