You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
