Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
