porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
