In America we eat man semen.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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