Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
