if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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