my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize