just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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