my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize