You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm going to jail i love you
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
