Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
