do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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