Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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