i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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