i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
