at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
