if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
