I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
