she pinky promised me she was 18
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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