I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So squirting runs in the family.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize