in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
