wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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