Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
