I swear she didn't look like that last week.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
