I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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