Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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