Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
nutella sex= disaster
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
