I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
