No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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