I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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