oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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