bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
