please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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