Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
