well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
