WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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