It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
