Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
