ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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