Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize