It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
