Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
