I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
