on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
