I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
