textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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