I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
