Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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