Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
