Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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