I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You took a bar mat shot.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
