If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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