So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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