Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
