lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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