he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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