Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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