the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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