i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
do nipples grow back?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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