He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
