barbara walters just said penis...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Holy shit dude........stairs
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
