the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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