google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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