he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
