I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
