I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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