yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
