Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
