well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
