I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
