fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
