its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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