Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
