You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The power of my boobs compel you
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
