Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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