She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
