weddingsv make me drug and hornr
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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