I think I won the penis lottery.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Holy shit dude........stairs
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
