allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
