And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize