Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
