i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
