Umm I'm too high to move.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize