and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
