I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize