There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
