Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
